WHY FAILURE IS SEXY

By Carla Thompson, Founder and Coach at Agent+ Coaching

 

“If failure is sexy, than why do I feel bloated and miserable after something goes wrong?”

Yeah, yeah. We all know—try, try again. Pick yourself up by the bootstraps. All the famous people failed and failed. Blah. Blah. Blah.

When I was growing up, I heard all the classic stories of leaders and how they faced real setbacks. How they overcame. How they didn’t let failure stop them. Inspiring when you are 13.

Annoying when you are 30 . . . and failing.

So exactly what do you do with failure?

Most of us fear it so much that we expend a lot of energy trying to avoid it.

As adults, we do what is comfortable.

We do what is normal to us. We do what is conceivable for us. And if anything we are considering has a hint of potential failure, we typically won’t do it.

Nonetheless, even if we are doing everything possible to keep failure at bay, we still find ourselves faced with things simply going wrong.

Our first instinct when something goes wrong is to try to figure out who is to blame? We analyze and analyze. That’s a nice word for ruminate, obsess, or worry. Frequently, I would say that people share with me that they are still tormenting themselves over things that went wrong years ago! One agent shared with me in 2011 that she could barely bring herself to even face her clients because she had sold them homes in 2005 and 2006 and by 2011, they were so upside down on the homes that she felt completely to blame—and like a complete failure. Wow. Talk about stuck. (I am happy to say that she worked through these feelings in coaching and found a way to reconnect with her clients and plus their lives again. She learned the difference between blame and responsibility, and that understanding alone shifted her!)

Ironically, learning to fail graciously, often and fast is the key to success.  So when agents are avoiding the opportunities to fail, they are holding themselves back!

Instead of looking vibrant, happy, healthy and alive (and SEXY!) because they are learning and experiencing new things, agents often look tired, crabby, exhausted and controlled from trying to keep life the same. How would you like to look?

Well, if you would like to look vibrant and sexy, then I implore you to embrace failure!

Fail Graciously

Failure might be a strong word however, it represents—something didn’t go the way we thought it would.

I was lucky that I had a mother who taught me how to fail graciously.  What I mean by that is that every time something didn’t work out, she would say, “That didn’t go the way I thought it would.  Well, what shall we try next?”  I didn’t realize until a few years ago that she had modeled for me how to fail graciously and not get stuck.  She saw situations that didn’t work out as information that would help her figure out how to solve the problem. She also saw situations as puzzles. As a matter of fact, she often put actual puzzles together! Life to my mother was always an adventure, an act of creation. She would say, “Let’s try this.” So resourceful!

In a funny kind of way, I learned growing up that we didn’t fail at things. We just kept going until we got to the solution. And if we didn’t do things well, it meant we were not done. I grew up on a farm. If the fence was broken and we tried to fix it, we simply could not go to bed until it was actually fixed. Or natural consequences kicked in and the cows got out. So we kept going until the problem was solved.

When you fail graciously, it means that you take things in stride and persistently push forward to succeed. Others see you as a powerful leader when you respond and persevere rather than react and shut down. Very powerful.

Fail Often

 Why would we encourage you to fail often? Who wants to fail at all?

 Fail often means we are trying many new things.  We are living with courage.  We are determined to grow and are therefore, attempting new behaviors, trying new plans and taking uncomfortable actions.  You are willing to jump in and try things frequently.

The real strength behind this attitude is the understanding that the first time you attempt something new, it is unlikely you will do it well. That needs to be the expectation in order to persist and really learn something. When my son was first learning to tie his shoes, he was beyond frustrated! I reminded him of our family motto: remember how many times we must do something before we really get the hang of it? 100 times!

Kids are constantly doing new things. They typically push forward until they can do the skill. Adults on the other hand, expect to do something well the first time. As adults, we don’t want to look bad. So we only attempt things that we think we can do well.

When I ask agents if they would be willing to call an expired listing, most of the time I receive this answer—no way, I would never do that; it’s not who I am. Every now and then, an agent will say, “Well, sure, I guess I could. What would I say?” What is the difference between the two attitudes? Fear of failure.

What would your world look like if every day you challenged yourself to do something you would likely fail at the first time? Wow. Imagine how your world would look in 12 months? I challenge you!

Fail Fast

Top producers think speed. As a result, they learn how to keep moving to toward the result.

This is another important key to success—fail fast, or quickly if you prefer correct grammar!  Successful people move past failure quickly.  They have learned how to not fixate on what didn’t go well and instead, concentrate on solution. They recover quickly from the emotional sting of things going wrong. They think: I fix it if I can.  I take responsibility.  I learn from it.  I move on knowing that I have learned and will do better next time.

The foreboding thoughts and feelings that linger after something has gone wrong are not helpful.  Top producers have learned how to reframe quickly in order to not let things slow them down. They quickly move to solution, and then move on to the next challenge.

Have you ever thought about the expression—I’ve hit a bump in the road? It really implies that the person who is moving wants things to remain stable, comfortable—to experience a smooth ride. That is the expectation, that the journey of life should be smooth. Why is that the goal?

What if instead, you view yourself as a climber?

Then bumps are no longer obstacles. They are the next place to put your foot as you are climbing to success. What if you really viewed the obstacles, the bumps, as keys to growth? How exciting!

Failure is a matter of interpretation. How do you see the situation?

It is a result to you, stopping you or slowing you down? Or is it part of a process to achieve an outcome? Does it slow you down? Shut you down? Or speed you up?

Do you want to look troubled, worried or tired? Or would you rather look alive, vibrant and sexy?

You get to decide.

I decide—Failure Is SEXY!!!!